Linea Naturale Gets To New Millennium First

Executives drop trousers at edge of Universe
By Victor S. Lieberman

(Los Cabos) In a surprise move, President Steve Rittersporn and Vice President Victor Lieberman dumped all their pre 2000 inventory off of a cliff. The 50,000 pair of pants fell into the Pacific Ocean at 11:59 pm. Lieberman, the head of sales was quoted on NCC. We just didn't feel we could go into the new millennium without getting rid of the last of the garbage that John Smith bought. Rittersporn hired longshoremen from New York City and drove them 4,000 miles in a bus, towing the trousers in a trailer. The longshoremen heaved the pants over the cliff where they flew like crazed birds until they landed onto a waiting barge. A brief protest by Yellowpeace ended when Lieberman explained the barge was headed to Mexico City to distribute the pants to the homeless.

"We need to move forward," Lieberman said. "We have looked backward into our past," Rittersporn added, "there were things there that no one wanted to see anymore." Laughing, Lieberman noted, "we had portly short slider pants in polyester whisper flannel that had been in inventory long enough to have had their barmitzvahs." "But," replied Rittersporn, invoking the duos famous yonko mi bonko routine,"the pants are perfect for the homeless because they can cram a lot of stuff with the adjustable side tabs."

Everyone agreed that the founding fathers, Ben Weinreb and Sal Kaplinsky would have been proud. No one could remember through how Sal's name evolved into the sol of Bensol. "Maybe at our 50th anniversary in 2002, we will uncover that mystery." Rittersporn said as the execs bade farewell to their old friends.

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